BeAr's Secret Honey Cave

2007-09-13T09:33:00.000-07:00

Somebody

___________________

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give mE support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to mE
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And wont easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For mE passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help mE see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I dont want to be tied
To anyones strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around mE
And kiss mE tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

_______________

what can i say~
i read it,
i felt it,
now i wanna show it~!!!

2007-09-09T02:28:00.000-07:00

After awhile, i realized what loves partly means
and i would like to share it with the one i love most,
in hopes that it might make things a little clearer
for us...

- i love you -

________________

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only what you are expecting to give.

Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination.

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.

Love is infallible; it has no errors, for all errors are the want of love.

Love is like a violin. The music may stop now and then, but the strings remain forever.

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Defination of love is juz You n Me...

2007-09-07T10:30:00.001-07:00

He couldn't help it... He had to blog cuz he had no one he could talk to. No one who will actually udtz what he is going through... He feels that he has lost her in every way already... Has she finally decided what she wants?! She must have... From the way things look, she has decided that settling in a serious relationship is not what she wants... He waited for her today as he so wanted to see her face. He was eagerly waiting till she arrived and than...... She didn't say hi nor look at him eye to eye... Instead she was looking ard .... haiz........................ Than he thought of trying to create a conversation but ended up hearing things that made him even more upset..... She is like somebody's kept woman now though she doesn't realise it... But who can blame her, He can't give her the things she desire now.... Is this the sign that is telling him to walk away as there is no place for him here?! She said goodbye to him like he was just another guy she knows.... Is this how she feels about him now?! Why did this have to happen... They're not together but he feels it... Doubt she does though.... Is the plain old clifton not good enough?! Was Master Ng better?! He fought for her so many times, be it friends, family etc.... Trying to change everybody's thinking about her... But seems like she couldn't care as it seems like just another guy doing something for her.... Does she want him just as a friend?! Does she no longer love him anymore?! He feels like a fool when people stare at him and gives him that look as though , are you sure she loves you back....

ArghzzZzzzZzzzz.......................

His heart feels the pain every min... IS there too many guys in her life that he doesn't seem impt at all?! Well, he guess that what he told her before is true...
There are too many guys who are successful enough to take care of her already... He guess that is what she is looking for... HE thinks that this is where he should take the farking hint and step out... Will she want him to go?! Will she stop him from going?! Does she love him enough to hold on to him?! As much as he wants to stay and fight for her hand, but its getting too painful... Sooooo pain sia... Tears roll as he sends every goodnight msg as it makes him think of her yet with another guy.... Who would udtz... No farking person will ever........

Do you know what i want

-->i want to love you & only you.
-->i want to be loved back by you & only you.
-->i want to give you evrything & expect nothing in return.
-->i want only your loving care & concern the way you gave mE before.

+i want so much but it seems impossible to reach anymore+
Where do i go from here?! What should be my nXt step...

He thought after blogging,he might feel a little better, but fuck!!!
The tears is still coming... i wish i could record this but i can't...
record the screams as it hurts too much... Do i have her?

____________

I DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE ANYONE TAGGING ME ABOUT THIS POST!

The Importance......

2007-09-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

Here is a story to share...

_____________

She used to think he was everything she ever wanted.
But he must have let her down in some way and then he regretted.
Now, this buy never regretted in the things he has ever done till now...
What was happening?

Is there something missing? Than she used to tell
him everything including little details like where she was going or
what she was gonna have for dinner... Now she has stopped
all that and starts to speak in circles....

Is this relationship ever going to turn out like he hoped it would?
He keep telling himself day in, day out that things is going to change for
the better, but does she want the same thing too??? Why won't she talk to him,
why must there be a reason to talk? Why can't she tell him all that she feels?????????

If Only.......
But it can never happen, so he stopped day-dreaming...
What miracles can he do with those two hands of his? Is there something
missing from the puzzle that they have built all these years?!

There used to be a myth about how a bridge was built with cement & little
children's heads just so that the bridge would be strong...
If this were to be true, must there be some form of sacrifice in their
relationship too?!

Dazed & Confused?
Puzzled & Tired?
Sad & Petrified?
What does she want? How does she want it?
Is he not the guy she wants? How much love does she have
for him? Is she starting to forget about him already?
Has she found another?

He tortures himself with these ridiculous
questions, but as much as he tries, it never seems to be in his favour...
Can they eventually come together and really be ONE ?!

He just hope she knows that the love he has for her is still burning !
Will she help keep their flames of love burning ?

2007-08-22T23:28:00.000-07:00

This song seems so cute especially when you
notice how the guy struggles between
the one he loves & the one who
needs him at that point
of time...

_________________________________

_____________________________________

If only all endings could turn out like that or even better
than the word hurt won't exist,than there will be
no balance in life..But if only there could be
more endings like this than hurt won't
be so hard to deal with...

The Follow Up..........

2007-08-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

This is a follow up on my past post....

Well i have been talking about my life most often and i guess i'm right back where i started...
Still lokking for a job, still waiting for her... All this is going to get better one way or
the other... I swear~!!!!

My Job
____________

I quit Lee Hwa Jewellery for a reason that no one knew. Some felt i couldn't cope,
She felt it was because of her. Well... it was all me and no one else.. I quitted my job because
i couldn't get my life on track properly. I could not balance well and ended up very tired everyday.
I had to force myself to go to work and there were times, or should i say most of the time, i
would end up taking a cabby to work... That cost me lots, on top of that i had a bad habit
of wanting to go drinking just so i could see her. Stupid right?! There were other ways
of seeing her. BUt i did not open all possibilities as when i went up to look for her, i
realized that i actually still love her. So you see, the problem lied in mE this whole time.

My Love Life
________________

Well currently, we are still together as in not together as gf/bf but
together... Things has gotten astray recently but i guess it must be me who is stressing on getting a job. I still try to msg her whenever my mind is at rest from all that stress.
On top of that my dad is back and it has only been the first day and i cant take it from all
his pressure on me... I still need to tolerate another 2 bloody weeks before he leaves again...
Arghzzzzzzzzz...............
Anyway, Jo-An & mE ...hmmz i don't have much comments now as we are
now in the midst of working towards our aim of earning more money.
Our love life, i might dare say it is still surviving as we have not given up hope on
each other.
*That is why i use the phrase "i might dare say" cuz tis is my opinion. i hope hers is just the same.*

____________________________

Well i would like to stop here with an ending that will let everybody know
how much i still loVe her... And tell mE if you don't want mE anymore!

what am i thinking?!

2007-08-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

Is there a cure to this insanity?!

When can i patiently move in?! Move in to
the place that i've long been waiting for... Nowadays,
i feel so out of place from you. Is it because i'm not trying harder
or is it because you're not ready to try?! All this
keep running through my head though i nOe that the
things we talked about should make me understand
better... i do, i do understand but i just cant stop myself
feeling this way... I want to tell you how i feel now but the words
just don't seem to be coming out from me. I guess that is
where i stay weak at, and i guess will most probably suffer by.

But apart from all that, i want to nOe how you feel,
how your day was, what you had for your meals, did you do anything
fun today? It may seem stupid questions, but ...i also don't
nOe why... There should be a logical explanation to everything,
but did falling in love had a logical explanation to it?
I understand what our aim is and why we
need to work hard for it. But along the way i loose track of what we've
talked about and sometimes what our aim is...

The only things that is giving me that strength
to still wait for our love to bloom once
again is knowing you still love
me...

Do you still love mE?!

2007-08-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

I can't compare to the better
ones that you have ever
met in your life... But you were the most
amazing girl i've ever met..

__________________

credits to Trademark~!

2007-08-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

This song is for my precious
though,
everyone gets to listen
to it... A song with meaning~!!!

I did not put in the lyrics as
i felt it would be appreciated better
by just listening to it~!!
ENJOY~!

2007-08-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

Couldn't slP at 10 in the morning after watching
NaRuTo, so what the heck...
try this~!! hahas..

_________

Instructions::
1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense.

How are you feeling today?

Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne

Will you get far in life?

Ka Fei - Zhang Xue You

How do your friends see you?

Almost Here - Brian McFadden & Delta Goodrem
Will you get married?

Xi Guan - yang cheng ling

What's your best friend's theme song?

Bullseye Girl

What is the story of your life?

你很爱他 - FIR

What was primary school like?

Mcdonalds - Tai Mai Shu

How can you get ahead in life?

相信未来
What is the best thing about your friends?

Superwoman - Karen White
What is in store for this weekend?

Once In A Life Time - Sarah Brightman
What song describes you?

Helena - My Chemical Romance
To describe your grandparents?

Forever Young - Alphaville

How is your life going?

Liu Lang - Zhe Zhi Ge
What song will they play at your funeral?

ping zhong sha - Twins

How does the world see you?

Kiss Goodbye - Wang Lee Hom

Will you have a happy life?

Gai Shi Ying Xiong - Wang Lee Hom

What do your friends really think of you?

窗外

Do people secretly lust after you?

kiss night - Wiber Pan

How can I make myself happy?

Initial D Theme - Jay Chou
What should you do with your life?

Ai Wo De Ren He Wo Ai De Ren - You Hong Ming
Will you ever have children?

Brother Louie - Morden Talking

___________

Haven't add any commenTs yeT..
Gonna need some help with
Some oF thE Meanings..
hee hee~

2007-08-09T05:07:00.000-07:00

i guess with each passing moment, you start to feel that you're not needed as badly as before... The tiny things you do.. The small thoughts you give.. The hugs and occasional kisses you share can sometimes be seen by the next person or can it?! Yesterday my my darlings 23rd birthday and i am glad she enjoyed it though i felt guilty for not being able to give her a better one... Even the things i planned was carried out by others who were faster than me... Oh well i got drunk which was not suppose to happen... Was very frustrated with myself though...

i guess there are times when i just wanna hear the appreciation, the love, the care & concern too... I admit i have changed from this playful being to a more dedicated one...But i am still in that process... Honestly, it is very hard... The days are just colder when she is not around. If a guy who thinks of a girl as nothing else but a tool can yet get a girlfriend, why isn't she mine to call my own?! Was the last time me much more fun to be with... The dominating and care n concern of myself better... Did the changes that i tried to do a waste...

When will she whole heartedly love me back?!

2007-06-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

Create your own Friend Test here

Let's see how you fair in this test yeah?!

time

2007-06-08T07:41:00.000-07:00

The past two days was nothing but just us at home doing nothing but enjoying each others company...Sounds crappy to some of the people i may know but hey! it was just nice to stay at home with her and do nothing but talk, eat, and best of all had a mini movie marathon...lolx... I know what some may be thinking once they have read this but...just for your info, get use to it... I'm beginning to like just spending time alone with my baby... Don't worry boys...i won't neglect you all...hahas.... That picture of us was just us staring out the window without words.. So it was like something far better ... Far beyond words....... No one can spoil this image in my mind even if they took a million years to try... Though i obviously won't be able to live that long so i gues its my way of saying don't bother trying... hahahahas....

Well baby i hope we will have more of this in the future... I'm glad you like your supper and guess i might have bored you with my stories about the army...hahas.... Anyway i know you will take care of yourself and i'll be here watching out for you... As long as you are with me, i won't let you fall again. Take care of your wound k darling....it is already healing... . . . |ove ya loads . . .

us

2007-05-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Time really flies fast. It seems like it was
just yesterday. As today is the 29th may '07, it is exactly
one month since we went together. But though today is suppose to be a special day, there is nothing to celebrate about.
We still did not get a chance to talk yet but i still feel it that we
should be together. I choose not to listen to others because i
only want to hear it from her. I choose not to believe what
anyone told me because i believe in the things we used to talk about on how we are going to start a new together.

I do not know if this is still a possibility, but evernight i pray that she will eventually know what she really want and just tell me. I am still hanging in the air but i'm hanging by a very thin line of hope. Were we ever meant to be. Is the love still as strong as ever?! No matter how much of pain i've gone through, i never once blame it on her as i know that when i chose to be with her and one day spend the rest of my life with her, i am willing to be in it together with her through thick or thin. I may not be able to give her everything she wants now. But i know that i'll never let her suffer. If i know i can never make it in life than i will let her go for she

deserves much more. And when i was told than love

isn't enough to build a relationship, i sat down to think what else did we need to build this relationship. Than it came to me that to build a good relationship, you need to build a base of friendship first. Then you step in love not because you have to but because you want to. After that it'll all fall into place with trust and sincerity. Love is really all you need. Unless the love is lost than ........i guess there is nothing else that can be done to undo the wrong and to praise the right. I guess you start to see a vision of the beginning when it all ends. But is it the end for us? What is most hurting is not to be able to be beside you when i need you. Were you really sick & tired? Did you really want to not be in a relationship because you were sick & tired or because you finally found somebody else? Nobody saw me as a person who could actually be in a serious relationship, But just as i prove all those who didn't believe in me wrong, I failed to myself. I was so excited in building up my career and helping you with yours all because of the things we planned together. Was there ever a doubt about my love for you.

| want to share my life with you. The good, the bad & the ugly too. Share every dream, share everyday for as long as we live & breathe, ok? No one compares to you. Now that we've met, no one else can take your place. | love you with a love so pure & true, and i know that our love will get us through anything. | know god sent you and that he saved you for me, knowing that | deserve the best & because you are that amazing, super wonderful woman that stands out from the rest. I've never felt this way before. It's only you i'll adore. Tell me to be yours and yours forever i shall. Be my queen & i'll be your king. Together, we can do anything baby.

Just take my hand & let's be together for life. You are the best thing by far, that's ever happened to me. Someday as we look back on all the pain & strife, it'll be worth it - all the hardships in life. Because we have each other, happiness that money can't never buy. An eternal love as endless as the sky.

- | love you -

its all here.....

2007-05-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

I found a chip in the glass i was drinking in the other day.
Story of my life !

This few days, the walks to no designated place gave me the time to think about
what she said. I did think of something and that was about how the heart &
mind have different thinking. Than i remembered someone once told me,
it is a matter of what you want. Because both belongs to you and only you.
So it is a choice of your mind controlling your heart or your heart rulling your mind.

The places i saw, The people i met, The problems i faced.
I faced them well because i had her in mind. I thought i was moving
the right path. But then i realise where my fault was. I was pushing too fast.
My baby wanted to start over a new beginning be it work, love ...
I forced it to fast on her and thus the results. F*$% me!!!

I always kept saying that when you are in a relationship, you must know that whatever you do,
you have to think about your other half. Because when you are in a relationship, its never about you anymore. But i guess i did not follow what i said. If ther was a way, i'd bring back a few steps and move slower. Some people think that love is all i'm thinking about of now.
Some thinks that i don't have any aim in life just because i doing nothing at the
moment. My future is waiting now but i also know it won't wait for very long.
All i want is for eveything to move up together at a sturdy pace. I don't want to leave one behind.

Last night i met a close friend and she notice the only ring on my finger. She liked it and as usual wanted to take it and wear it. But then she notice the ring mark on my finger. And she asked how long have this ring been on my finger. i replied her and she returned it to me and said. "Clifton, you have changed".
"This ring means alot to you if not the mark won't be there". With these words,
i felt the feeling of lost in my body when all seemed well.
Then i only realise that in me seeing that all was well,
was just an illusion. I was still hurting.
The brave front i tried to put up could only fool a few but not the ones that were dearest to me.

What was i fighting for all these months?!
It is like a primary school project of building something simple like a farm.
When you have almost done everything up and suddenly something falls apart and you have to re-do it.
Than you start to think, Where did i go wrong?!
What did i miss out or what did i not put more into?!

Can things ever go back to the times when it was just us?!
I know love is not the only factor but without love there is nothing to begin with am i right?!
How is it so? Why is it so?
I might find someone better, but i'll never find someone like you.
The one i love... The only one i wanna spend my life with...

I'm still trying to put up that strong front. But it ain't easy.
I know we have our careers and the things we want to set straight in life.
But i don't feel the need to be alone when we are pursuing all this.
I really must have went wrong somewhere.

as you are serious, i'm also serious in bulding a whole new world
with you... Would you still give us that chance? I never meant to wrong you.
I never meant to be selfish either. If you could look through my heart, you will see nothing but sincerity as i say this out.

Girl you better have fun cuz i'm a fool...
Cuz nothing compares to you...
Till we have that talk, I'll be there for you no matter what. I'll be that
pillow to cushion the fall.

When i said to be fair, i meant that if ever something ever happened
to you, i don't know what i'll ever do.

Tell me to my face if you don't want me anymore. It may hurt me much but it is better than this.
Tell me to my face if you want me & need me too...
No matter what, you can be assured that i love you and my heart's an open door for you.

The circle i once showed you for its always neverending
............O...........

The Day

2007-05-19T01:30:00.000-07:00

Its been 7yrs since he ever dropped a tear. yesterday that 1st tear drop and he was all alone facing the river of Singapore thinking of where he should go from there. What he should do. But nothing could come to his mind. It was all a blamk. There was no reason but advise which he didn't want to hear as he was already lost and wanted to be left alone. She was the gem he lost once and now he has lost her yet once again. Neither words nor actions can be used to describe him anymore. Someone called him with full of concern to tell him that there is other things in life other than relationship. But the problem is he has everything else in place except relationship. A failure he was. The hurt runs deep through the bloodstream and veins of his aching body. The words were cold and piercing.... Was there ever a doubt that this would happen?! Maybe he is just naive and always thought & hoped for the best only. The things they shared, the places they went. the wishes they planned.................. Some protested, some encouraged, some just stood by, some admired. Despite all this, he pushed on for something far better for the both of them. It like building something and when you loose the most important thing... the floor plan that holds the whole structure, What happens? Either you stand there lost or you have a back-up. In this case, there was no back-up, only her. She never realise how important she was in his life.... She was partly the beams of his whole life. The one that actually kept him going. He was strong even if he had no one by his side. But when he chose for her to come into his life, She did not realise that she naturally became the main pillar of him. Not being able to call or message her is killing him so much that he still tear as he drafts this. If she did love him, Why is this happening. She blames herself for all that has happen without knowing that guilt and lost is what he feels now as like nothing was ever his fault. Surely there must have been something that he did. All the people in her life, he did try but she didn't give him enough time before passing judgement. In ones life, one cannot spend too much time looking for love & career. Instead one should spend more time nurturing the love they might find & master the career that they might find too. She told him that he deserves someone better. Was that ever a fair sentence to begin with?! Yes, he will still live on. But with that hole that cannot be easily replace. The sore feeling still hinders and the tears still dropped. He lost the feeling of how a tear comes. And today he felt the pain as every drop came falling down. Its too painful..............

-Master Ng Will NEVER cry for another girl ever again-

In the End

2007-05-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

A girl once asked a guy if she was pretty, the guy replied NO.
Than she asked him if he he wanted to be with her forever, again he replied NO.
After much thought she asked him if she would to leave, would he cry?! Again, his reply was a simple NO.

She had heard enough.

As she walked away, tears streaming down her face, he grabbed her arm and said..

you're not pretty, you're beautiful.

I don't want to be with you forever, i NEED to be with you forever.

And i wouldn't cry if u left, I'd die~

Words can be just words... But they hold strong meanings and thus it is important to understand wad every word mean otherwise it is pointless. Love may not be a only factor in a r/s, but that doesn't mean u have to neglect it just to fufill the rest...He loved you once, you didn't realise... He loved you twice, you walked away.... When will she really choose to walk back into his love & bring their love to a neverending stop. He listen to her favourite songs 815 times now and it hurts because this song .......................... its beautiful~
She is the one he treasures alot though at times he doesn't show it out. He is lousy, useless & unpredictable. But there is one thing he learned and that is without love there can be no he or she. And without the love to begin with, the rest of it that comes in a relationship can never start to work. She is confused, he is lost... If she wants to be alone than where does he stand?! Things have to talked out or everything is lost as he fears.... HE doesn't want to loose her but she is pushing him away further & further. She said she finally knows what she wants in life now... What is it that she wants?! Does she want him to leave but don't know how to tell him.?! Does she want him to stay but something else is holding her back.?! They need to talk~!!!!!!

useless~!

2007-05-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

ytd i was not angry but just feeling sad that she did not try to make an effort to msg me even if she was busy... No matter how busy i am/was, i nvr once not msg her. Even if i did not, when she msg i always replied. ytd she told me that we should be alone for awhile because both of us seem too hot... If she know me as well as she claim, than she should know that i can't do that...its either we're together or we're not. The definition of a r/ship is to work out all problems big/small together...When you're together, all problems are shared...that is where the test of patience, sincerity, love, commitment and trust is being tested... I wanted to be different from the others, If you make me look like just another guy,( the rest) than what does that tells?! that you still want every possible guy who might like you... When i came back to you, it was not because i wanted to play because believe me, if i wanted to play i could find someone else...i came back to you because i really like you but it doesn't seem that way for you... she says that love isn't enough to build the bridge. I agree but is love the only thing that made her go with me?! The way you are right now has to do when you were badly hurt by some guy?!... But from my experience, its not fair to the rest. i believe that taking revenge on other people is not a way to solve your problem. It will just lead to more problems. she says that she don't want me to be in a difficult position. i won't be if she gave me the assurance. To be somebody elses girlfriend i won't know but to be mine was never too hard. I never ask for much and i never controlled too much. Am i such a bad boyfriend?! She says she loves me, how much of love is for me?! Is this love of hers being shared. When she say she can't commit. its because she still wants to have fun? because she can't let go of all the guys, afraid tat one day she won't have that kind of attention anymore? What is it....i really don't understand. you don't just tell someone that you need some time alone because it doesn't work tat way. If u really love me whole heartedly than u won't say this. Do u really love me tat much to be able to let me go just like that...?! Tell me one thing you did that made me feel that i'm your boyfriend other than just introducing me to all your kor kor which i did for you. I'm not saying all this here for everyone to know my problems. but i don't talk to people about this problems, i always keep it to myself. So i don't expect any replies from anybody else. If you always say the problems lies with you, than i'm just no better at being a boyfriend if i can't help you. when i ask the simple question if your intention is to break up with me, why can't you give me an answer...what is holding you back from a yes or no?! If it is a yes than i'll leave you and you can have all the time in the world to cool down. But if no than i'm still willing to work with you on the building of our bridge. If i'm not clear enough in this draft, than i need you to tell me wad i miss out... Dear i am not having fun~!

-sad soul-

A series of unfortunate events....

2007-05-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

We are together but ppl still ask me is she urs?! Why is tat so...does it not seem clear enuff?! i guess not cuz if it was than ppl wun be asking such questions......Does she take me as the one she loves cuz frm the bottom of my heart i can say tat i dun feel it yet...Where is the love, where is she?My bro was saying abt the playing mode thingy...My bro knows me too well..but this time he is unsure cuz he dun see me as me anymore...wad i mean is i'm serious enuff to be with one that every other girl does not matter....i am not holding back anymore...there is no third or fourth party in my life anymore...But the question is wad does she want...?! She says that she realise wad she wans in life now...i wish she can share it with me so i can understand better... There is a saying~ Everyone can want to be with you, But how how many do you want to be with? Wad is a gf/bf ?! Wad makes a gf/bf different from the others...I'll reveal all here today.....Someone who u cant get rid of in ur mind, the one whom u want to spend every waking hour with if possible, one whom u can trust to be by ur side no matter wad, the one who will bring u to the clouds when all else fails, the one who thinks of the best ways to tell u of ur imperfection,one whom u can trust to keep ur darkest secrets when others cannot...the one who will commit all of him/her to u cuz deep down he/she will feel that u will nvr betray her even if u ever do. When u betray someone, tat someone may or may not forgive u,tat someone may nvr wan to speak to u,tat someone might even feel like hitting u. BUt all this aside, the most important thing is tat when u betray someone, u are actually betraying urself for the very start... Dear, Darling, baby, sweetheart, precious...all this may just be words but its words tat comforts, dignifies, puts the difference....actions speaks louder but words are like swords/arrows. it can hurt and it help... Like someone once told me, a piece of rock, if polished can become some precious stone. But an unpolished rock will always be a rock...So polish urself to outshine the rest .... there are times when i feel tat all this make sense and there are times when i get confuse.... Now the only thing that is clear to me is i've somwhow fallen in love and wadever others may say i'll listen only cuz i wanna build the trust ..w/o trust than a relationship is jus a lie... Bro's, mei's, jie's, kor...dun worry abt me yea...i know wad i am doing....changes in my life is a gd thing....My darling wants to work hard together with me...those were her words... Let me live this on my own,though i still wanna hear ur advices but this is just me and her... Thanks everyone for the support ... Frm here on, me and her have to work on the problems together...At least only then can we ourselves know that we tried and we did it.... Hmmz...i guess i have leave now for the bear needs food.... =)

The Things

2007-05-08T14:54:00.000-07:00

Wad are the things....?! i always get to find out things even when i dun even try... Why is this so...?! Am i really always that unlucky or was it a sign or an indirect ans...?! i dun try to think so much but things keep on popping out infront of me.... Story of his life.........She somehow managed to open one of the msges sent and thus he saw wad was written in it..."it doesn't mean if you sleep with him means he is worthy of your love" i mean, wad kind of idiotz would say something like that. Unless you intend to play ard from the start... Does that idiotz know wad he is even saying before sending such a msg....Who can understand?! He is trying and he also knows that she is trying but trying not hard enough...The only conclusion to it is she cant let go of one... She says, she doesn't want to hurt or be unfair to either party including herslf....The is NO such things as not getting hurt...In a situation like this, one will def have to get hurt but dun take too long.... becuz instead of hurt, it might turn to hatred... To all guys...except those who r jus the same.... (1) don't think ur better than the nxt cuz it will eventually bring u down. (2) Always respect a girl the way u wan them to respect u cuz in the end the girl tat u hurt the most might be the one u wanted all ur life. Lastly i only wanna say tat Master Ng have finally learned tat he can nvr have everything he wants but he knows he wants her whole heartedly but does she want the same thing?! tat is the question in his mind. The times they shared together alone in the warmth of the day, the coolness of the night....they way he wrapped his arms around her and the way she cuddled towards him...was all this just an act or was that all love....he had her in mind...did she have him in mind all the same or was there someone else?! All this will unfold soon...All things will eventually come to an end...He wants to end with her by his side. Like a fairy tale story with happy endings.. Can she make that happen?! We'll see as the story of his life unfolds... Can they really be together or does she wants to be with someone else..... The Things~!

i'm a whole~!!!

2007-04-29T05:47:00.000-07:00

29th Apr 07, i write this with full confidence. On the wonderful nite of 29th Apr '07, she told me she dun wan us to be that in between couple anymore so i ask her wad she really wanted and she told me she wanted me... I tried to stay cool or shld i say act cool but haix...failed to do so and thus made me a softy... Hahas ... But nvr mind, now at least we're moving somewhere rather than nt having an aim... i hope she knows the aspects of wad we are looking for in life... Anywaez this is the start and now i am going to move forward really fast especially in my career... Lets see how we can work this out together....For those Who reads my blog and knows me and joan well eunff, hope u guys will support me. In this part of my life i need all the support i can get... Love y'all =)

I AM BACK~!!!! wahahahahas...............

2007-04-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

i guess it has been quite awhile since i've been writing in my blog yea~!!! hee hee...well at one point i was so into this blogging thingy becuz i helped a friend do up her first one and now she seems to be better than me liao...lol.....Anyway nothing much has been occuring ard me except i got myself a job with Aspial Lee Hwa @ suntec and things are going fine but i still want to find a better job for a career......As for my love life, i guess some of my bros will be happy to know that i finally decided to be serious and just love one...But the outcome is not final yet... Wait~!!!! before any of u say anything, i have to say that now is she who is deciding if she wants to be with me... suprised?! hahas.....dun be, i'm a changed Master Ng le... I'll put up one of our pictures together but not recent one cuz nvr really took a really nice nice one yet or took liao but i haven't get it...haha................ I believe some of you guys and girls know her.....Well thats her and as i said we'll see what the outcomes bring to me k.... Hmmz this like "machiam" first day of school sia....lol.... So i'm gonna stop here for now...I will try my best to continue writing so Some ppl or 1 in particular wun say i cre8 blog for fun...hahas... =)

back at it~!

2006-09-15T09:31:00.000-07:00

firstly, i'm sorrie for the video that is blocking part of my entries cuz i am still trying new stuff during my free time so yeah....anyway guess what?! i am now learning dances like salsa,cha cha and a little bit of ballroom...well i kinda like it but its mainly to help my bro in promoting the studio...so if anyone who enjoys danes like this juz give me a call...i would appreciate it~! =) my company is moving a little slow but i'm hoping it will progress. i'm working so bloddy hard to make the balance of my life worth living.hmmz...though many do not know but i have been drinking so much recently that i myself am shock too... i went to vie the other day but only one btl of beer ,but that was nt y i went to vie.than the day before that i went to bq and drank with yun they all and got myself terribly drunk for no reason at all...though i remember people coming over to me telling me that its nt worth it over a girl..i mean i've nvr got myself drunk over a girl so dun worry.i juz felt like drinking but it juz got out of hand and i realli am apologetic to those who had to clean up after me...than the nxt day after vie i went to bq again and drank when i had to drive and i had a bloody fine for parking against the flow of traffic..wtf~! i know i know...i wunz do that again.its unsafe and i will cause worries to alot of people if anything ever happen...oh yeah my tp is coming up nxt friday so do wish me luck yeah~! hee hee...hey huis like i said in ur shout out box,i'm here~! =]

wad is happening to me?!!!!!!

2006-09-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

wad is going on?! i have been working so hard everyday,
day in day out but all i get in pain....today right after my bro alvis
sent me home,i was sent to NUH by a friend who came by to see me cuz
i cough out blood and than fainted...wad the hell!!!!! i know wad i'm
doing but life is such that if u dun work hard now,than when r u ever
gonna start ! While i was at the hospital,i started to think,am i worth
it?cuz there is only 3 reasons as to why i am pushing myself and its not
that i blame this reasons . Its juz that i sometimes wonder is it worthwhile.
1 is for my future, 2 is for my family to be proud of me & 3 is to be able to let
her enjoy every outing with me...i so wanna be serious now but i dunno why i
recently feel that she may nt have the interest in me as i do for her...i may be
over reacting but i am juz too shy to juz ask...ah~ lets face it,i have no guts !!!!!!
does praying really works..haha..if she really is serious abt me as i am abt her,
maybe at least one thing get be lighten off my mind..i dun wanna play anymore....
i've had my fair share of play and being played with in relationships..nw i realli wan
it to work...i've move on...can she?!well i guess i will
just have to wait and see.... sayonara~!!!! =x

what am i thinking?!

2006-08-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

i have no idea what i aim to achieve in doing all this. i do like her and i like being with her,but i feel like things don't look so positive. well, i might be thinking too much but i have finally abled to let go of one whom i couldn't for about two years because of her....she makes me want to see her more,want to hear her voice.its silly if i would to say i love her now but the truth is i like her so much tat i am willing to take that step.But is she?! people say love is blind,but i say otherwise. Can she ever want to be with me as much as i want to be with her??? my life is such a blur,i have just started a company with two other friends and money is slowly coming to me. i actually almost have everything except her.i want to be that guy who she will think of and yearn to see...i want to share with her all my joys and achievements that may come in my future...But i still have this question and linger in my head everyday,does she feel the same way?!! i am taking things real slow and hoping for the hopless i guess. It is so hard for me to find a girl who can share jokes and enjoy some common grounds together...now that i feel i have,all seems so negative...does turning to god helps?!

boost~!!!!

2006-07-30T12:43:00.000-07:00

well ... i haven't been writing in awhile ...haha... anyway my day today was so ...how should i put it, wonderful...yeah wonderful~! i went to bugis with nicky, alvis, jenny & qi ni. We went shopping for clothes and stuff than we went to sim lim to buy nicky's sound system for his studio...after that i told them that i wanted to go to Vie Bar to see her and suprisingly they volunteered to go with me so there we went and had loads of fun trying to win the pool table frm someone else who nvr wanted to give it up. They keep putting their name until i got nicky to change a whole bunch of coins than we had pizza, chicken wings a btl of wine and i also had lots of ice water which eventually forced me to visit the toilet ...hahahahaha.....made my day by just being there to see her...i dunno why but it did... =x what can i say...i have good brothers & friends ... i kinda like that place though,it has that warm and cozy ambience. No doubt i will wan to go there again...provided she still works there..haha...you know gd service is hard to find these day... hee hee..........urm~ i think i have said all that i want to and now i want to pig out(sleep)...so good night & sweet dreams all around yeah~!!!! =)

today is simply fun....

2006-07-12T13:00:00.000-07:00

well today was so much fun...i did not get to see my cousins tommy and caitlin for months and today we met up and went out for lunch at this sushi place of which i can't remember what its called..we had lots to eat till i was so stuffed like a lazy bear...ha ha ha.......they had lots of fun disturbing me with the head waitress there by telling her "do you know my cousin is admiring you"...oh man~ totally not true...kids~ what do they know...anyway we finished up than went on to buy games and tommy got a new game for his X-box 360 which he was so impatient to play and caitlin went to metro to get shorts and a few skirts than off we went to play some games and walk around.after we all got tired, i sent them home and off i went to meet a friend whom was emotionally depressed so i sat there listening to her and was thinking of my own love life and than it struck me that i will never change.....i'm still gonna be that stupid shy person that will forever keep his feelings to himself and thus never the girl he likes...too bad~!!! Anyway enuff abt that...after that,being the nice guy i always haf been i sent her home and off i headed for my own fortress where i took a nice cld shower and continued to play 2 .........games of DOTA with some friends and than watch a movie which was ok only..it was stealth ! so than i grew bored i went to read a little bit of the new paper and some comics than nw here and obviously after this its OFF TO BED..hahahahahaha..........goodnight~! =x

well...hmmz....duhz~!!! =x

2006-07-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

today was not a bad day as i had weide at my house to accompany me in the day than i met up with nicky(hard gay bro), alvis & jenny and we went for dinner followed by a movie. We watched superman returns.Not bad but i was kinda disappointed though,i was expecting superman's son to do more than just push a bloody piano.....on the hold it was good...kinda sad in certain parts and actually i now know why the show is so damn bloody long...wasted time was spent in beginning with all the stupid space thingy and music..i was getting fustrated when luckily the show finally started... ha ha ha......than after that we went back to nicky's place where we were still deciding on either staying at his place for the nite or just go home.But since jenny was unable to stay we all just went back where i had my usual late night supper...hee hee...a big btl of water chestnut & sugar cane drink,one hotdog puff and one tuna puff while watching harry potter and the goblet of fire...how sianz was that huh?! well than i had a little headache & sore throat due to previous nite drinking session...oh and a friend showed me a picture of chocolate fondue that she and her bf had.... Arghzzz...i also want sia....nvr mind i know who to call whom wil enjoy it as much as i will....hmmz............i think tis is pretty much it so i am gonna stop here and catch some slp for tmr is another long day..... (",)

what can i say~!

2006-07-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

what can i say,i have finally change the skin and added a little dumb box for anybody to start tagging or like i would like to call it,shout at me...ha ha ha Although i am still trying to find out how i can add music because i have ask a few friends but none of them seems to be able to know...oh man~! why can't i remember all those html lessons that i used to take...guess i never knew it might come in handy...oh well i have read comments given by some people and don't worry you did not force me to do so...so don't feel bad juz tag me as often as possible and share with me new things to "handsome" my blog... i know some of you may not understand what i'm saying but i didn't say i was writing for everyone to understand...haha...ok i wanna hit the sack now,so till nxt time(which i don't know when) see ya~!!!!!

oh my god i did it~!!!!!

2006-07-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

Hmmz...i created my very own blog and i don't know why. ha ha ha...i do not know where to begin but since i started it i'll try to frequently post. And even if i don't i bet someone will remind me to update....oh well,i am pretty tired now so i guess i am not going to write anymore for now.... :x